Discovering Self-Care in the Dark

After only about five hours of sleep (periodically interrupted), I awoke at 4:30, tossing and turning, my mind and heart racing and my stomach in knots. As I sat with the feelings, there was no discernible underlying anxiety or worry. I just had floods of thoughts, from themes I wanted to write about to items to put on the to-do list. I became a sort of one-girl holistic act, tapping, using acupressure, meditating, and practicing Heart Math’s quick coherence technique.

After a while, some of this worked, but as I moved through all of this, the theme of self-care was very much on my mind.

Here’s what I wanted to share.

There is no doubt that I was experiencing stress this morning in the wee hours. My mind was behaving like my Doberman puppy who’s been inside too long; it was jumping all over the place without any coherence or rhythm or purposefulness. It was out of control. It was bothering me. It was frustrating me. And because of this lack of coherence, I felt so scattered and fearful and riddled with the flightiness and worry of lack mentality.
As I began to breathe into my heart space, my system calmed and I was able to put ideas and words together around the essential nature of self-care.

Here I was in a comfortable bedroom, the rain meditatively spattering the windows, Serenity diffusing on my bedside table, and I was stressed. What?
Yes, exactly. The anxiety was completely and entirely in my head, in my body, running through my cells as if I was preparing for a competitive athletic event or about to go on stage. NOTHING in my environment was taxing me; my mind was on fire. I felt like my inner self was threatening me.

So, as much as self-care is about taking time for ourselves, treating our bodies kindly, attending to our needs in form, what it is first and foremost is the ability to calm and soothe the inner self, the true self, the spiritual self. If we cannot find serenity in our own beings through whatever techniques we discover are the most effective for each of us, it doesn’t matter how many pedicures or massages we treat ourselves to, or even how many green smoothies we prepare, for that matter.

As Joe Dispenza (quoting Einstein, I think) states, the field creates the particle, the form; not the other way around. If our field, our attunement, our ability to allow the Divine to speak to us is out of alignment, we will be in a state of stress and by definition unable to self-soothe or care for ourselves or for anyone else.

It’s really that simple.

The idea is to stop searching outside ourselves (control over calendars, people, schedules, etc.) for serenity and purpose and rather go within. Always go within.

When we begin with the inner work and find alignment there, the outer world will always reflect it back to us.

This is what happened for me this morning. As I venture out into this cool rainy fall day (my favorite weather), I am intending to be grateful, joyful, and see the possibilities and opportunities in each present moment.

This is true self-care.

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