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You know when ideas or themes start to repeatedly show up in your awareness and you think, “Huh; maybe I need to look at this more closely?” Well, that happens to me a lot and it’s happening again. This time it’s the topic of “Don’t take it personally.”

Oh, my gosh. Do you have as much trouble with this as I do? Several things occur to me. First, I think, “Excuse me, what? Not take that slight or criticism or spiteful act personally? Are you on drugs?” And then the more elevated part of my brain kicks in and responds, “Yes, of course. This is the evolved way. This is enlightened. That action or comment had nothing to do with me. It’s clearly a mirror of how that other person feels about himself.”

And then my first reaction, jumping up and down like a three-year-old who needs a cookie, chimes in again, “What the….? Of course it’s personal, and you, mean person, you suck.”

So here we are. Which part of our thinking is correct? One or the other? Both? Neither? And why is this so challenging for us to understand and at the same time so essential to master?

Needless to say, I’m still working this out. I’m not doing what most writers and spiritual teachers say to do and move through this discomfort before revealing the story. But I think I’m getting it, and as I navigate my way, I have to share my thoughts. By wrapping our brains around the fact that just about every negative interaction we encounter is NOT personal to us, we not only free ourselves, but we also free the other. And in doing so, we both have the opportunity to grow and evolve.

Spiritual teachers I admire explain it like this. Caroline Myss describes each human being like a building. On the first few floors, we are attached to form, have a limited perspective of our surroundings, and take everything very personally. On the upper floors, we are less attached to form, our perspective is greater and more expansive, and we take things much less personally. Pain and angst and constricted feelings are personal. Clarity, freedom, growth, spirit are impersonal.

Abraham explains it like this. Someone criticizes or comes after us. We are hurt. Then “we feel bad, because we are judging them about their judging us. We allow other people’s bad moods, conditions over which we have no control, to run our lives….Somehow we’ve trained ourselves to care more about their responses to us than our responses to us.”

How we feel or react or respond, then, to others’ criticism or attack is less about them than it is about us. Yes. The degree to which we feel triggered is the degree to which we have sensitive spots, holes, lack of clarity, and are detached from our true selves. Even when they are just wrong? Yes. Even when they are lying? Yes. Even when they threaten? Yes. Even when they do damage? Yes. Yes.

This is not to say that when we are hurt or feel attacked, we might literally or emotionally wince. But, to use Abraham’s vernacular, the goal is to sometimes take the hit and then disallow it from propelling us into a downward, spiraling momentum, resulting in anger, rage, self-hatred, and blame, all of which result from taking the action personally.

So what to do? Understanding the dynamic is the first step. As we do the work, we can then learn to feel the bump and refocus and realign. Through meditation and finding space in ourselves, we can discover the ways we best open to Source and allow alignment. Ironically, this very personal work of turning towards the light and truth and clarity ultimately allows us to reemerge into an impersonal, but deeply profound and satisfying state of being–a oneness with all that is good and abundant and healthy.

Abraham tells us that when we can discover this state, this impersonal state of loving and oneness, we can then not only energetically invite the person who hurt us into more wholeness, but we will also be able to see it in them ourselves. Then it is possible for both of our higher selves to meet and find resonance and peace.

Admittedly, all this sounds so very good and promising, and at the same time it is challenging. This is the work. This is one of the many steps on the journey towards greater awareness and a more enlightened way of being in the world. But we must try. If we want to honestly move to the higher floors of our beings, floors with more space, more beauty, more understanding, more abundance, we must be prepared to look at this aspect of ourselves and interactions with others.

Every once in a while I am able to get to this place of openness and clarity. And, oh, the views are brilliant.

It feels a little strange writing this. Sean and I are back at CHOP after a three-week hiatus. It was actually a setback. His white cell count didn’t recover as quickly as after his first two chemo treatments, and so we couldn’t begin the fourth and final session until they did.

Before we traveled to the clinic this morning to have his blood drawn, we set the intention to be flexible with whatever happened today. We both were eager to get the good news that he could return to CHOP and continue treatment, but we also knew we couldn’t control this. With bags packed for a three-night stay, we have been turned away three times in a row for as many weeks. So we were prepared to be told once again that his body wasn’t ready.

But we were both more relaxed this time. We greeted the day with a sense of ease. We were even joyful about the weather. The cold, rainy November day felt refreshing. Even though we weren’t near a fireplace, the air was lightly perfumed with the fragrance of wood-burning fires, probably lingering from the weekend cold snap that inspired many to light them.

When we received the good news that his counts were high enough to proceed into town, we did so with relief and ease. We didn’t rush. We weren’t anxious about getting here at any particular time. We just made our way down, and the Universe provided us with light traffic, a parking spot close to the elevators, and astonishingly, a room that was ready and waiting. That never happens.

While we were walking to the oncology floor from the clinic across the street, Sean said that he hoped he had a different room this time (we’ve had the same room every visit). I answered that we both liked that room, but let’s intend on having either that one, or maybe an even better room. Maybe one with a window to the outside.

Source provided again. Our nurse walked us into a large single room with a huge window looking out onto the lively street bedecked with colorful lights and shiny buildings.

The evening has continued like this. Easy. No stress. Kind, helpful nurses.

Sean is resting now, and I took the opportunity to walk down to the cafe to get him some dessert for when he wakes up and feels like snacking. I don’t quite know how to express this, but I feel strangely and thankfully calm. Making my way around the hospital is so familiar to me now, but it is not a place of dread and weariness. I feel so deeply that my Sean is already healthy, that he is already whole and thriving, that as I continue to walk beside him and hold space for him on this journey, I know he is well. I trust that he is surrounded by God’s light and the Divine energy that generates life and continual rebirth.

Some days are more challenging than others, but I know this for sure. This challenge, which has periodically visited suffering and fear on us, also continues to invite us to evolution. It keeps calling us, sometimes in whispers and other times in shouts, to participate in greater expansion and a deeper sense of being.

Tonight, I am grateful. Even amidst the florescent lights of the oncology floor and the constant background chatter of nurses and doctors, I know Sean and I can retreat. We can find privacy, quiet, and even joy in his dimly-lit room, as the glittering lights and traffic outside our window remind us that life goes on and all is well.

I am a devoted student of Martha Beck’s (http://Martha Beck.com), and I a committed participant in her weekly podcast, The Gathering Room. This morning, I listened to a show from several months ago, in which Martha discusses the archetype of Nemesis and the role of nemeses in our lives (see below).

As always, my intuition and synchronicity aligned to deliver just what I needed today.

It is not necessary here to name my nemeses, but suffice it to say they are real, and their energies are as emotionally destructive and soul shattering as the most enraged hurricane that obliterates every object in its path.

I have done enough work to find gratitude for what they teach me, even in the midst of the most literally insane and cruel treatment. I even believe my son’s illness has manifested because of this often unbearable stress, and it is his Nemesis, calling for his evolution.

But because I know I am responsible for my energy and my emotional and spiritual lacunae, I have decided to use all of these nemeses as invitations and inspirations to grow.

I know that I would not be on this deep and profound journey if I had not been thrown into the fire on so many occasions, and sometimes still am.

But this fire will not consume me. It is actually giving life in a purer, more resilient form to my children and me. We are like the Phoenix. We will thrive.

In this episode of The Gathering Room, Martha uses her interview with Anita Moorjani (http://anitamoorjani.com) as a springboard into a discussion of happiness.

When we can allow ourselves to see the “as is-ness” of our challenging situation, accept it, and then find peace within it, we invite expansion and joy.

This is living with “expanded awareness.” This is living fully and free of constricted fear. This is moving towards enlightenment.

Wishing you kindness and courage.

I wanted to share this video from Dr. Mark Hyman.

At the same time that many of us are forced or choose to apply conventional treatments to our and our kids’ conditions, I believe it is essential that we find ways to detach from the diagnoses and details and take a much broader view of these situations.

We are spiritual beings having human experiences. And no matter what your personal beliefs are along the continuum that is life, spirit, and energy, I know that investigating and hopefully integrating some or all of what Dr. Hyman discusses will be beneficial to all of us in sickness and in health.

Spirit, energy, and the human experience are non-dual. The degree to which we thrive is determined by the choices we make and how we decide to observe our form-based conditions and move forward.

When in the discomfiting “is-ness” of reality we are able to catch a clarifying glimpse of our inner being and the glory of what it is manifesting, there can be no doubt of Source’s undying love for us. This is in fact what suffering calls us to, isn’t it?

Although sometimes, often, almost always challenging to discern, pain is a loving invitation. It’s is a portal through which we are called to walk.

If we do so, and if we are open to it, we are met by an expansion so freeing that we are never again to accept the bondage of who we were merely moments before this spiritual birth.

From truth-telling to how to move through suffering to creating art, Elizabeth Gilbert openly shares more of herself and why creativity is so essential to the spirit.

I may be preaching to the choir here, but I made a discovery when it comes to juicing.

I have often lamented discarding the bits left behind after juicing greens. After obtaining about 1/4 cup of juice from about half a bunch of kale, I’m left with about 1 1/2 cups of dry shredded greens.

Here’s what I do now, I save those bits in a resealable bag and use them as the base for my daily salad. Just as I rub pieces of cut kale with olive oil and coarse salt to tenderize them for a salad, I do the same with these bits, although they require a good deal less rubbing. I then toss in a handful of arugula and whatever else I desire.

This is a great way to consume the incredibly invigorating juice, as well as the essential fiber.

To finish my juice, after I remove and save the greens bits, to my kale juice I add the juice of one green apple, about 1 tablespoon of lemon juice, and enough water to reduce the acidity. Sometimes I’ll add a drop of stevia for a hint of sweetness.

This recipe makes about 1 1/2 cups.

I was thinking about this today, following a presentation I participated in on narcissism, and wanted to add this. It’s important.

We know narcs are attracted to empaths and vice versa. We also know that even as strong and insightful as many empaths are, we connect with narcs, because we do have holes; we feel less than; we find purpose and significance in serving and helping to heal others. Very often, if not always, we come to a relationship with a narcissist with a pretty well-worn playlist of negative self-talk. If we didn’t, the narc would never find us easy prey and we would never put up with the abuse. In other words, since we already abuse ourselves, we are ready to accept the abuse from another. This might even remind us of the abuse we endured from a former partner or parent.

Brene Brown calls the damaging stories we tell ourselves “shitty first drafts.” They are untrue, but we tell them to ourselves, nonetheless, because we are accustomed to self-blame and self-loathing, and this is how we attempt to make sense of hurtful situations.

In order to evolve and emerge out of victimhood (that we or others perpetrate), we must tell this story, get it out of our bodies, and then reshape it into something useful and healing. When we are conscious, we can see how flawed the story is and we can tell a new and empowering one.

So here’s the main point. When a sensitive person or empath is enmeshed with a narcissist, rather than provide for the empath a calm sounding board or soft place to fall when she is clearly expressing or living in the throes of “the first draft,” the narcissist, intent on maintaining control, will actually reinforce the soul-crushing story the empath is telling herself. He will compound the empath’s self-hatred and utter sense of worthlessness. He sees the wound and pushes the proverbial knife in deeper; he rips it open. And if the empath has a fleeting moment of enlightenment and tries to defend herself, the narc will attack harder, protesting in as loud and condemning way as possible that she is deluded and stupid, and, no, she really is as worthless as she probably already believes.

This is why, ultimately, many women can’t leave the relationship. After years of this abuse, even women who at one time had at least a modicum of self-worth, are eventually so emotionally shattered and fragile, their self-esteem having been continuously raped and ravaged, they have no strength to escape. What’s worse, they believe they cannot survive without the abuser who has sucked the life out of them.

 

I am a creative. I am a creator. I am a manifestor. My study, my work, my life are devoted to living in consistent a state of openness and learning. I am human, though, so of course, life will show me contrast, and I understand it is up to me how I respond. Will I react with constriction and anger and fear and closed-heartedness? Or will I pause and create space to respond out of curiosity, abundance, joy, and love, which represents oneness consciousness?

In light of all this, I recently re-listened to a conversation between Abraham and an audience member, during which they discussed a manifestation game he had been playing. Abraham had spoken previously of how, when we are aligned and allowing Source to flow through us, manifesting a castle is as easy as manifesting a button. The idea is that when you think about a button, your inner being has little to no resistance, so it can show up rather easily. The castle presents more resistance, especially to our lack-based ego, so we automatically think it’s nearly impossible to draw to us. The object of the exercise is to flow with our energy in such a way that no ask is too big; we get to a place of knowing where we experience no resistance for any desire we can conjure.

So now, this audience member was telling them (Abraham) about how he chose to play a game with himself and how he manifested the button. It turned up in a place where no button should have been. He was both excited and also freaked out by his own ability to manifest. At the same time, though, as his fear-based self crept back into his awareness, he was wondering if he had in fact manifested this at all. He explained how he had come to learn that his girlfriend had lost the button in his truck. How it seems like it wasn’t energy manifesting at all. And was this all just nonsense?

Abraham answered that despite the story about the girlfriend and her lost button, the fact is that the button showed up for him. He had contemplated it, brought it into his awareness, and it revealed itself to him. That was true. The fact that, in hindsight, it seemed a coincidence, was testament to his not fully trusting his ability and alignment. In fact, this manifestation was a righteous coinciding of his intention and Source so that the button actually presented itself.

Now about the Blue Jay. In light of the conversation about the button, l decided to play a similar game. As I went out for my run a couple of days ago, I began contemplating Cardinals and Blue Jays. I wanted to call them into my awareness. In keeping with Abraham’s example, I chose these birds, because I didn’t have any resistance to them. I wasn’t asking for an elephant to cross Forest Road or show up in East Goshen Park. I would have had a lot of resistance to that. I figured the birds were easy. I looked forward to them revealing themselves. I knew that they would.

That very morning, not minutes after I put these thoughts and intentions into my consciousness, I caught sight of several crimson Cardinals that fluttered past me and landed on tree branches only feet away from my path. Of course, I thought. That was easy. I knew I’d see them. How fun. I am a good student of the Universe.

Now for the Blue Jays. I continued running and sending out my intention to see them, but  not one showed up. I let my thoughts go, knowing that this was the process: send it out and then detach from it. Easy. I know how to do this. I didn’t see any Blue Jays. Not that day, nor the next, nor the next. In fact, despite my knowing the process, I found myself getting a little anxious about this. Robins and Chickadees would fly by and land on the grass close to me. A sharply dressed Woodpecker, red head glowing from between the leaves, even appeared. I started to feel like these rascals were taunting me. “Not a Blue Jay!” they were saying. Buggers.

In the ebbing and flowing of my detachment, I found myself looking and looking. Is that a Blue Jay? Is that one? How about there? Was that a blue feather I saw? As this continued, the lesson of this search and calling for this manifestation revealed itself. It is a dynamic and law of the universe I know well and yet was repeating in spite of myself.

I was super conscious that my very need to see this seemingly illusive bird was working against it coming to me. The very striving for the thing was resistance itself. And this resistance could never yield this manifestation to me. In fact, at the same time as I was having the lack-based thoughts, I actually had a deep awareness that the Blue Jay would show up when he was ready. I even had rather a profound knowing that more than one would come; I could actually see this occurring. So I smiled to myself and just kept walking and waiting with detachment and trust.

This morning I again went out for my run. I was talking to a friend as I went along and actually felt self-possessed and strong. As we talked, I was breathing into my heart space, allowing the energy to flow out and around me, and yes, I was envisioning the Blue Jay. Today, though, I was very clear. He will come when he is ready–when our energies are aligned. I am calling to him. I am calling him into my experience. When we are both ready, he will show himself.

I was on the last stretch of my walk, and as I rounded a bend in the road, there, in the tree right in front of me, was not one but two Blue Jays. I stopped. Just stopped. I tried to get a better look, but they both flew higher into the tree, squawking as they do. I smiled and thanked the Universe. I understood that we were both ready to manifest to each other in that moment. I continued walking, and as I expected, another Blue Jay flew right in front of me, landing on a branch just ahead of my path. This time, he sat long enough for me to take a photo. I felt silly doing that, but I guess I just wanted to prove my vision to myself. I thanked him. I thanked the Universe. I thanked my inner being for remaining patient with the process.

Why of this? Birds, Abraham, seemingly silly manifestation games–why are they important? Because they are. Because in their simplicity, they represent the bigness of the teachings and how manifestation works. This is the unfolding. This is how energy flows. Would it have been awesome if the Blue Jay had collaborated with the Cardinals the first day I decided to play this game? Yes. Yes it would have been. I would have felt so empowered, so sure of my ability as a manifestor. But that was not the way this was meant to unfold.

The Cardinals showed me that, yes, I am a manifestor. But the Blue Jay revealed that even as a creator, I must never become complacent with the process. In fact, the ebbing and flowing of energy; of being certain and doubting; of having assuredness and fear; of moving in and out of lack and abundance–this is the way. Better, this is The Way. I actually had to sit with and confront my own mistrust of allowing and aligning in order to gain clarity about it. I had to ask, “Is this really true?” in order to discern that it actually is.

Having faith, trusting in the process of aligning and manifesting, is only half of the equation. Our questioning of it is born out of our humanness. And although we do the work so that we can actually allow more and doubt less, it is in the very struggle that we are called to evolve into clarity and understanding.

Thank you, Blue Jay. Thank you, Source. Now, how about that castle?