On the Eve of a New Year, Go Within First

Some time ago, I stopped being surprised when events, people, opportunities, and messages just showed up in my life exactly when and how I needed them. Cultivating and appreciating synchronicity is a way of life. I ask questions of the Universe and God and Source, and answers simply show up. I’m no longer astonished; my heart is filled with gratitude and joy.

This morning, New Year’s Eve day, I awoke to a quiet house with the sun shining on the gorgeous snow-covered trees and ground. The world was light-filled and sparkling. But my heart was heavy.

Why? As is my routine now, I immediately go inwards. I feel into my body where the tension lies, from where the sadness is emanating. I was telling myself, It’s a beautiful day. I have so much to be thankful for. What’s my problem?

And then I touched on what I believe is the essence of my challenge today. Perhaps it will resonate with you.

On the eve of a new year, I’m feeling, well, behind and lacking in achievement. I’m looking at my life and thinking, “I haven’t accomplished this,” “I am no longer young and filled with youthful potential and possibility.” Is this what mid-life crisis is about?

And then two things happened that inspired me—forced me, really—to sit my rear in the chair and write. First, I wrote a list for my fiancé entitled “I will.” This is a list of thoughts and promises I am writing to him for the New Year, not only to share my thought of commitment and love with him, but also to clarify in my own mind what and how I intend to be in the world in 2018 and going forward in my life.

This was the last sentiment on my list: “I will honor you by respecting myself and maintaining my own spiritual and creative fullness and self-worth so that I can freely, and with overflowing joy, give myself to you.” When I wrote this, I could feel my attitude begin to shift. I stopped looking outward to, what I perceive to be, my lack of accomplishments, age, etc., and I started focusing on my own spiritual and energetic fullness and health. This was the spark that resonated in my soul with inspiration and excitement.

Okay, I might feel lacking in certain ways, but I am committed to being full—so full that my enthusiasm, gratitude, energy, and inspiration will spill over with abundant benevolence to others. And the fact that I KNOW that I need to honor myself first in order to love, respect, and honor others, is perhaps the greatest accomplishment and gift I can give myself and the people around me.

The second thing that happened within 10 minutes of my curating my list, was that I found this quotation by Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj in a document I created months ago while studying at The Chopra Center: “All you need is to stop searching outside what can be found only within. Set your vision right before you operate….Clarify your mind, purify your heart, sanctify your life—this is the quickest way to a change in your world.”

Seriously? Can synchronicity be any more astonishing? Yes, this is the key. All of my teachers and mentors, from Dr. Shefali to Deepak Chopra to Rob Bell to JJ Virgin to Glennon Doyle to Elizabeth DiAlto to Suzi Lula, to Kim d’Eramo, etc., etc., have discussed this as the essence of health and well-being. Go within FIRST. Simply refuse to look outward at the world for answers, for we will not find them there. The answers are within. They are ALWAYS within. Our bodies and spirits are incredibly wise and will lead us to clarity, equanimity, and Grace.

So now I will begin my day in earnest and with a new vision. With an understanding of non-duality, I can accept my fears and sadness and pangs of insecurity at the same time I experience gratitude and beauty and hopefulness. This, to me, is living with depth and breadth and an open, whole heart.

My intention is that 2018 will be a year full of looking inward, asking more questions, and becoming more self-aware so that I may manifest my best self, my best life, and become the fullest expression of my divinely-inspired soul.


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