So many parents I know are saying the same thing: my kids are anxious. They have been in school and are still having a hard time. Or they are only just now going back to school after a year of online school, and they are worried, fearful, and just not themselves.
Here is my response to all of us who are walking through this new world with our kids.
This is so upsetting. And yet so understandable. These kids have been holed up, restricted, everything’s been taken away from them. Society has taught them to be afraid and to be suspicious of others and illness.
And then we say, “But now, go back to school. And be happy. Be normal. Even though you need to stay afraid. But you’re fine. No? What’s wrong with you? Why are you so anxious?”
Seriously? With all our knowledge and statistics and information, we are doing a terrible job of the most important thing: teaching our kids that they are worthy, whole, healthy, vibrant, capable, and strong, no matter what. Unconditionally. Always.
And we can’t just tell them. We have to show them, be for them, examples of connection to goodness, kindness, and abundance. We can teach, but even more, we have to be this ourselves, for they have to discover this for themselves in their own hearts and minds. We have taught them to look around and assess how scary the world is. How mean and awful it is. No. Enough. We see the world not how it is but how we are.
If how we are isn’t bright and grateful and constantly in search of the Good, then how will we find it? How will they? It’s time to stop the madness of lack and fear and begin to rebuild. Our children’s wellness, our wellness, depend on it.
Of course you’re anxious. You’re paying attention to what’s going on in the world. But you can get so good at staying tuned in to your Source energy that you can pay attention to what’s going on in the world from your connection to Source energy, and [then] you won’t feel anxiety; you’ll feel empowered for more.
We experience every condition as a vibration. Nearly simultaneously, we then translate this energy, we feel it, as an emotion. In other words, we see something and then feel something in response to it. This is great when the condition inspires us to feel joy or excitement or gratitude. Getting a new car, an A on an assignment, that sparkly bauble we desired—these experiences make us feel good. The conditions are easy.
But what if they’re not? What if the conditions cause us to feel challenged or scared or depressed? It’s really difficult to “buck the current,” of our “reality,” as Abraham explains, because “what is” demands all of our attention. “How can I stop thinking about that thing that’s so obvious?” we ask. “I see the suffering on TV.” “I got a worrisome diagnosis.” “My partner is being a jerk.” “My kid’s in trouble.” Argh! Suffering is everywhere. Everything seems uncertain and threatening. It does, indeed. But it doesn’t have to stay this way. This doesn’t have to be our reality. We can change this.
But how? We say, “I am LOOKING at what is in front of me. Am I supposed to deny this reality? Should I just lie to myself and pretend that thing isn’t actually happening? Or should I put glossy vision boards around my office? Should I tell myself I really do have a Porsche in the garage and a beach house in the Hamptons, when in reality, I’m driving an old Toyota and living in a one-bedroom apartment? What kind of nonsense is this?”
Well, okay. The Toyota and apartment might be real. But this is only our “reality” if it’s the one we choose to observe—choose to sustain. Transforming anxiety or fear or any low vibration into satisfaction or even happiness is never about denying what we see or feel. It is not about telling ourselves something we know to be false.
Accepting the isness of the situation or the feeling is an essential first step. Yes, I lost my job. Or yes, I broke my knee. Or yes, my partner left me. These are true and real. BUT, it’s what comes next that matters even more. Once we acknowledge what is, we then ask, “What do I want and how do I want to feel now?”
These questions are critical, because how we answer them will affect the present moment and the trajectory all of the present moments thereafter. In other words, are we going to remain and possibly fester in the isness of a lost job, broken limb, departed partner, and the like, or are we going to move towards something desired: a new opportunity, regained health, realized love, etc.?
And here’s the most important element. Finding relief isn’t about getting what we want right this very moment. Actually, it isn’t even about getting what we think we want tomorrow or a week from now or next month. If we are depending upon the thing or situation manifesting in front of us so that we can feel better, we will almost surely remain stuck in anxiety, frustration, anger, or sadness.
Wait. What? We say, “I want what I want. And having that thing will surely make me feel better.” Yes, we think that is so, but it can never be the way; this only reinforces our reliance on needing the exact thing outside ourselves to show up in order to soothe and diffuse our low vibration. Our relief cannot depend on a condition; it can only come to us as we change our focus or place our attention elsewhere. Once we do this, when we can sit in this relieved state just for a little while, the idea or experience that’s worrying us either alters enough to lose its trigger and charge, or it dissipates altogether.
There is no right or wrong way to do this–to begin to change our vibration and state. Sometimes we can actually look at the thing in front of us and start to see it differently. We can detach from it just enough to see the good things about it, the opportunities it offers, and the gifts and lessons and insights it brings.
Sometimes, though, this is just too difficult. The “as is” is just too charged, and we can’t see through or past it. So then what? This is when we look elsewhere entirely. We literally change our state, physically and mentally. We go for a walk, talk to a friend, pet the dog, eat something delicious, watch a funny movie, or take a nap. We do anything to shift our attention. And the trigger and the relief don’t have to be related at all! If we have a health concern, for example, the relief doesn’t have to be associated with the resolution of the illness. In fact, it’s probably best that is isn’t. We can soothe an anxiety about our health by looking at the brilliant fall leaves, watching the birds play, or listening to a favorite podcast.
And why? Why is this so important? It is essential, because changing our state changes the way we feel. And how we feel is everything. It is the most important component of moving towards what we desire. Feeling better, soothed, more satisfied, even joyful, means one very important thing: we are connected to the truth of who we are, to God, to Divine Source energy.
This is what Abraham means when they say, “[Y]ou can get so good at staying tuned in to your Source energy that you can pay attention to what’s going on in the world from your connection to Source energy, and [then] you won’t feel anxiety; you’ll feel empowered for more.” In other words, the isness doesn’t change; our perspective of it does. When we are connected to Divine Source energy, which is love, oneness, and compassion, we can look at, attend to, what is troubling or sad in a new way. Rather than anxious and fearful, we feel “empowered.”
If we believe in the Law of Attraction, then simply immersing ourselves in better-feeling energy will attract more of the same. As more of the same gathers, the momentum of this energy cannot help but manifest in form. As stated above, however, the end goal, the thing we want, which started this journey in the first place, must not consume our focus. It is the inspiration for the emotional journey, as well as the actions we take in the world, but it cannot be the only reason we are walking this path. We are doing so to FEEL BETTER along the way in every moment.
Ultimately, as we move towards what we want, we achieve a breadth and depth of understanding that are much greater and richer than simply achieving any previously defined goal could deliver to us. We learn, evolve, and realize more of who we truly are. Amidst this posture of spaciousness, this energetic expansiveness and openness, we are able to invite all kinds of abundance into our awareness.
Here, in the realm of infinite possibilities and opportunities, what we think we desired in the beginning of the journey can now either flow, unencumbered, to us, or take a different form entirely. It can show up just as we envisioned, be even more spectacular, or within this powerful flow of energy, how about this? It might not come at all or in any way we first imagined. In other words, regardless of the outcome, we remain fiercely, unconditionally satisfied, because we are able to find alignment in each moment–now, now, now. Our capacity for joy has emerged, and is sustainable, independent of any particular manifestation.
Once we understand that it is the path we walk towards our desire that is actually the essence of our expansiveness, we are called to ask this: why would I choose to remain anxious? The adversity, the distress, the spark of dissatisfaction may cause us respond with upset or anxiety, but we need not remain there. Let our inherent worthiness and ability to see choice in every experience ultimately guide us to the flow of the present and all the limitlessly present moments to come.